Married Life

Talking to the step daughter in law about the issues of the grandson’s birthday I realise that another layer of complexity to family life will arise when we divorce.  Sometimes it feels like “if”.   To fast forward out of these years with responsiblities for children to the empty nest might mean that we could stay together.  I dread being alone in my old age.   Day in day out for the first time in 30 plus years I see my parents together after 50 years of being together and know that even if I start again  I can never have what they have.   Years of raising children together, pride in raising grandchildren together, discussing remembering, filling in the gaps for each other.  I’m about to shut that door.

Then I think how much I will still feel him like a mill stone dragging me down.  Can I carry him for 30 more years of marriage, his stubborn mulish ways, and his refusal to compromise.

Bringing me back to the complexities of family life as he withdraws from a relationship with his daughter in law over a perceived slight, refusing to discuss or even talk about it.

Yet again I will carry the burden of maintaining any relationship with or without divorce.